A taste of my new feature film....

A FEW GOOD TABLOID JOURNALISTS

David Cameron: Did you order those phones to be tapped?

Rupert Murdoch: You ever worked for a tabloid newspaper, son? Ever had to make something up and report it as news?

Cameron: No Sir.

Murdoch: My editors follow orders son. My editors follow orders or people get bored. It's that simple.

Cameron: Mr Murdoch, did you order the Phone Hacking?!!!!

Nick Clegg: Mr Murdoch, you don’t have to answer the question.

Murdoch: I’ll answer the question. You want answers?

Cameron: I want the truth.

Murdoch: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE….I’m sorry, what did you call it? Son, we live in a world that has newspapers. Those newspapers have to be written by people without morals. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Clegg? I own more newspapers than you can possibly imagine. You weep for Milly Dowler and you curse News International. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that tapping those phones, while illegal, probably entertained lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, entertains lives. You don’t want the….the… - the truth, that’s it - because deep down in places you don't talk about parties you want me at those papers. You NEED me at those papers. We use words like ‘JK ROWLING IN ORGY WITH RYAN GIGGS, MAX MOSLEY AND JORDAN’ . we use them as the backbone of a life spent destroying people. You use them as a punchline. (Well actually so do we.) I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of news coverage I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you just bought a copy of The Sun and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you sit down at a computer and write a bunch of lies about someone who doesn’t deserve it. Either way i don't give a damn what you think I am responsible for.

Cameron: Did you order the Phone Hacking?!!!!

Murdoch: YOU’RE GOD-DAMN RIGHT I DID!

(Thanks to Marcus Brigstock on Twitter for the idea....and some of the material...and the title.)